Dear Blog in Heaven!

Laugh it up honey, it ain’t that bad

Afrika — Sun, 10 Jul 2011 13:46:43 +0000

Tall and Hooles have apparently gotten on the banjo train. I’m just going to say it now: I started that shit, yo. I fucking love a good banjo and fiddle song. Obviously, small Jewish girls from the WASPy suburbs of Pittsburgh feel a deep affinity to the roots music of Appalachia (are you Nell, from the movie Nell?).

Moral of the story, this is a really great song. I listen to this song many times a day. It has banjos AND fiddles, so take that Hooles/Tall roommates.

Sink me in the river at dawn / Send me away with the words of a love song

TALL — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 03:00:56 +0000

Oh you know how at DBIH our hobbies include white wine, ice cream cake, crack whores and Taylor Swift. Chef Hooles and I have taken the last one to a whole new level with our obsession with The Band Perry (actually it’s just the one song, we’re a little slow). Or, to be clear, curly blonde country singers who sing about young love. And banjos. Motherfuckin’ banjos and a “Lady of Shallot” reference. So eat your heart out and enjoy this beautiful masterpiece. BTW Hooles and I are relocating to the bayou. This plus True Blood? Yes plz.

reading list

chefhooles — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 15:44:40 +0000

So Afrika and I both have Kindles, and while discussing how glad we’ll be when DSK burns in fiery torment eventually and the general state of victims of sexual violence necessarily being virginal, because otherwise it doesn’t count (COME ON), we talked about our most recent acquisitions. Turns out:

DOES NOT EQUAL

The more you know!

This could be why my white duvet now looks tie dyed

Afrika — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 13:06:59 +0000

Courtesy of Fuck I’m In My 20s : a visual representation of my life.

Sunday Morning Musings (A List)

TALL — Sun, 03 Jul 2011 18:27:07 +0000

- Now that ChefHooles and I no longer live approximately 10 paces from Booey’s, life is much harder. And by life I mean hangovers.

- Gilmore Girls marathons are the best way to start your day.

-RE: Gilmore Girls – I hate Dean. He sucks in almost every way. He’s just one bit old wet blanket who got married too soon and then cheated on his wife and is still not treating Rory well. What a shit.

- ChefHooles is Team Jess. “He’s hot, he’s smart, he loves Rory and he’s a rebellious bad boy. He’s not Lurch, he’s not creepy, and he’s so fucking hot. And he wears a leather jacket. Well, they both wear leather jackets, but Dean’s is more of a Columbine, go-shoot-up-my-high school type jacket.”

- I (Tall) love the Jess, but I think Rory made a big fat mistake in not locking down hot-hot-hot Logan Huntsberger. What a stud! He was so rich too, and adventurous and he would always fight for his lady. I mean, really Rory? You left that to go be a blogger on Obama’s campaign? Really? Idjit.

- Hydration is key, but it is optimal when taken from a swirly straw cup.

- Seriously, why is there not a Booey’s sandwich in and around my mouth right now?

DON’T YOU WANT TO DANCE

chefhooles — Sun, 03 Jul 2011 05:52:42 +0000

In which a junior #team member is still younger than us

Afrika — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 11:28:22 +0000

This story begins on a summer day in 1992. I think I was wearing cut-offs (there are dozens of us!) with white tights and a tshirt with a Swiss Dinosaur on it. Then, a rotund version of the Marla Bear came outside and said she had to go to the hospital. She came back with a gross, red, bald baby that took a shit on my lap. No joke, the star of this story was bald until the age of 2 (not in a LATFH, I’m so awesome I don’t need hair, I’ll just tattoo my scalp, kind of way) and one time she took a shit on my lap.

Now she’s still a teenager. But an older one! One time, she almost got arrested but she was too drunk. Another time, she forgot which pedal was the gas and which was the break. Another time, she forgot to get on her plane home from Spain and ended up stuck in Chicago (a story for another time: How Jappy’s failed trip to Kenya parallels the small childe’s failed trip to Spain).

Anyway, our teenage almost-team member likes to eat vodka watermelon when her mom isn’t looking. She also pretends to go camping, but really she just goes to the mall for nail polish and lipstick (tee hee!).

I still haven’t gotten her a birthday present, because my dad doesn’t want me spending all my money getting her all glittered up for Easter.

Shaun White

Afrika — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 15:11:00 +0000

We don’t talk enough about him. I don’t know why we don’t talk more about the Flying Tomato. We talk a lot about Jason Segel, and, let’s be honest, he’s getting a little flabby and How I Met Your Mother is not that funny (related post, to be written later: Friends is funnier than I remember it being.).

We also talk a lot about lesbians, but we’re just pandering for readers. That’s definitely allowed.

So, Shaun White. I think he does extreme sports. I’m not really one for extreme sports- apparently, watching a baseball game is extreme enough to break my entire face, so I don’t really want to know what would happen if I tried to, I don’t know, skate off the Empire State Building with a parachute made of marshmallows or something.

Did you know Shaun White has a clothing line at Target? If you didn’t know, you’re not shopping in the boys’ department enough. Shaun White For Target flannel is where it’s at yo.

Shaun White also has great hair. No joke, I’d love to have hair like that. Sometimes mine looks like his, all smooth and well-defined curlz and stuff, then I get on the Tube and come out looking like fucking Carrot Top. Let’s say it together: Fuck.My.Life. Or at least, fuck my Jewish frizzy hair genes.

Anyway, Shaun (can we call you Shaun?), please be our friend. We’d even let you guest blog about the ski slopes or the yearly snowfall or something? I don’t know, you pick.

Flowing locks of ginger

In which Tall tells you about other things people she knows do on the internet

TALL — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 22:21:10 +0000

Sadly, it’s not porn. But hey, you never know what this economic climate might lead people to turn to!

Anyway, this guy I know decided to STEAL MY IDEA for a tumblr. Ok fine, full disclosure: upon hearing that this guy had gotten into a PhD program at some school in New Haven I’ve never even heard of (probably University of Phoenix, let’s be honest), I decided his time would be best spent writing books about history and dinosaurs, since those are the things he loves best. Characters in this series would be called Jefferson Rex, and Bronotsaurus Hamilton, and reenact history-times for children and the idiot adult population (read: DBIH readers). Everyone laughed at ol’ Tallsies, but lo and behold this motherfucker starts a tumblr with MY IDEA. I have made a legal document saying that I own at least 25% of everything that comes from this tumblr (remember how good we at DBIH are at franchising and such?). Ok so I guess go visit his tumblr or whatever so I can make some coin on this genius idea: jeffersonrex.tumblr.com.

Another one of our nearest and dearest has started a tumblr (what are these things, herpes? THEY’RE EVERYWHERE!!!!), and it is great. Afrika did this while DBIH was essentially in a coma/hibernation period. She writes down fun things that people say, including me and her Marla Bear. It is called Cracker Bread, not to be confused with Cracker Barrel, which I was at first and then got really excited because BISCUITS!!!!! Nomz. But it’s Cracker Bread like bread that is a cracker like Jew food. Good shit, right Miroki? Right. Go peruse that shit: crackerbread.tumblr.com.

If you too have a tumblr, don’t fucking tell me about it. I don’t know you, I don’t want your weird thoughts. DM them to Anthony Weiner, I’m sure he could use a friend right now.

Ron Swanson: The Best

TALL — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 22:05:35 +0000

DirtyHippie (god save her soul because she is in California) sent me this great video of #team hero, Ron fucking Swanson. Behold his glory: