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How do you eat a bagel?

June 11, 2009
by

We, at Shitshow Row, had a bit of a debate about proper bagel-eating etiquette tonight.

To resolve the never-ending dispute, we looked to the always-accurate Yahoo Answers:

This poor girl has never had a bagel before, so she turned to the internets for help.  Some answers are genuinely “helpful,” even if  a little vague:  “a bagel is a piece of dough that was boiled in salt water then baked in the oven….after it comes out of the oven you can do many things with it,” while others are significantly more ridiculous.

The gem, from a user named Joanie Pony, is as follows: 

“I’d rather have a donut, I have only had bagels at home, cut in half toasted and butter. I think they are sort of a fad. There are a lot of flavors but they are still dry and tough.”

My rebuttal to “Joanie Pony,” is in 2 parts
1. Bagels are better than donuts (objectively)
2. Bagels are not tough or dry if you don’t let them sit out for a fucking year and a half.
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