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The Legacy of Nell

June 16, 2009

The greatest film of all time is Nell.  Ok that’s an enormous exaggeration, but really it’s quite the flick.  Nell is the story of a girl raised in the woods by her mother, a rape victim who suffered from a series of strokes which fucked with her speech in a major way.  And then the mom dies, which is sad.  Nell also had a twin, May, who is dead in a cave with flowers in her eye sockets who Nell visits.  Not at all creepy.  But anyway, Nell and May developed a secret twin language which fused with mother’s stroke speak became what we at SSR like to call “Nellish”. These languages, combined with a severe Appalachian accent (which can also be considered a speech impediment), make Nell’s speech unintelligible, except to Natasha Richardson and Liam Neeson! And I mean, how crazy is that!? These people don’t even speak proper American and they’re the only ones who get what Nell is saying.  That’s fucking badass.

Natasha and Liam are psychologists who are fighting over Nell since she’s all alone in the forest, singing to herself  and chopping wood and throwing shitfits and this simply will not do.   Liam wants Nell to live alone in the forest, because that’s what she knows and she’s all happy with her hallucinations of her dead sister, so why not? And Liam wants to get in her hand-woven skirt… or does he??? Natasha meanwhile is a huge bitch who wants Nell to be trapped in a padded room and stick needles in her and basically Frankenstein her ass while Natasha wears large button downs and round sunglasses and has awful hair.

But anyway, Nell is such a huge deal that they get the judicial system involved to decide what to do because hey, this is the 90’s and it’s not like we can leave well enough alone.  So, the judge decides that Tash and Limz can study Nell for 3 months and then decide what kind of horrible stuff they can do to fuck up Nell’s blissfully ignorant life. And they live on a houseboat, which Nell sneaks onto just as they’re having intimate almost-zexytimez.  That darn Nell!

BUT THE BEST PART OF THE MOVIE… is “Nellish.” Nellish is the best language and is now the official language of SSR.  Here are our favorite phrases from Nellish.  They are all best said with a slack jaw and an aversion to enunciation.

“ebbah dur” – evil-doer, also known as a MAN (feminizmz)

” skurr inda bey” – skewer in the belly, or getting raped by an ebbah dur

“gah aynjull” – guardian angel, aka Liam Neeson. But wait, you may say, he’s an ebbah dur who wants to skurr inda bey Nell! I know. Paradox motherfucka.

“tata inda wiiiiiin” – trees swaying in the wind. best said with corresponding hand motions.

More Nellish to come, but watch the trailer and prepare to be captivated! http://www.videodetective.com/?publishedid=5525

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Leslie permalink
    June 17, 2009 2:55 am

    par exemple:
    Flufkin: ebaduh

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