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When did Miracle Whip become hipster?

June 18, 2009

Alex and I just watched a Miracle Whip commercial, in which they are really forcing themselves upon the hipster crowd, who I think would probably be a little too busy drinking PBR and eating things in bookstore-cafes to make themselves the kind of white bread and plain turkey sandwich that is easily complimented by the “strong” and “individual” flavors advertised by Miracle Whip.

By the way, Miracle Whip tastes like shit.

By the way, Miracle Whip tastes like shit.

The commercial talks a lot about not blending in, but everyone looked pretty much the same to me- yes we all know you’re cool if you wear a vest and fake wayfarers. By the way, take off that fucking vest, you look like Aladdin (prince aaaaali, fabulous he, ali ababwa).

Anyway, I’m incensed by this. This is like paying someone to design a bullshit website upon which I can’t even find a phone number where I can complain about how much the website fucking blows (I’m talking to you, United Nations).

Also, for the record (FOR THE RECORD), mayonaise is only good when it’s full of eggs and terrible for you, and dolloped onto twice fried french fries at about 3 am.

Mayonaise can be hipster if eaten in a faux-belgian bar/cafe in Brooklyn, but only under the right conditions.

Mayonaise can be hipster if eaten in a faux-belgian bar/cafe in Brooklyn, but only under the right conditions.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. donuteyes permalink
    September 18, 2009 2:27 pm

    i am miracle whip, and i refuse to tone it down.

  2. November 5, 2009 10:15 am

    LOL i did a post about this too. it makes me so angry, and i hit “mute” whenever it comes on, if i cant leave the room.

  3. FuckMiracleWhip permalink
    November 14, 2009 2:28 pm

    This is very frustrating. I always hated miracle whip and now i hate it even more… Colbert is ruthless and cannot be beat so anyone who actually thinks the outcome will be good for miracle whip other then making money off of this retarded battle will be dissapointed. Colbert will rip your asses apart. Period.
    I hate the taste of miracle whip, ive been to friend’s houses and all they had was that shit so I pretty much told them how fucking stupid they were for serving it because it isnt a mayo replacement.. its like as if they said “Here try this homemade mayo” (“Its really just regular mayo with 4,000 Grams of sugar”)… Now the problem with this is I am now limited to its use.. im sorry but does anyone put sugar on there delicious greasy salty yummy cheese dripping burger? or do you dip your fries in sugar laced goo?? The answer is no if you fall under the category of the rest of the world which is perfectly fine.. since when do we have to be anti conformist to food? its always been a choice and DUH dont you think if your eating miracle whip over mayo then your just a different type of conformist.. Fuckin tards.. Miracle whip says they wont tone it down… ok? What exactly are you talking about? I think the above says enough but just incase any miracle whippers are reading this i thought id just give ya a second chance at it.
    Aparently the only thing miracle whip is good for other then useing it in a recipe is for Dry Turkey sandwiches.. still that sounds disgusting because WHO PUTS SUGAR ON THERE FUCKING MEAT SANDWICH!!!!!! FUCK YOU MIRACLE WHIP YOU GOD DAMN IDIOTS FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!

  4. cindy lamb permalink
    May 14, 2010 10:11 pm

    Have any of you seen the new Miracle Whip logo? Talk about making it accessible to the Mountain Dew hipsters. Just like Kentucky Fried Chicken … KFC…it’s suddenly cool.

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