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Ali just had the best story

June 30, 2009

One time, she saw someone take an entire bottle of Advil at the local YMCA (I would assume this occured in Springfield, because shit like this only happens in the Ozarks). The girl obviously (WebMD that shit), passed out. N.B. she had to have her stomach pumped. Lesson: if you’re going to take a bottle of pills, pick something sexier than Advil (well, the liquid-gels are apparently pretty sweet but idk).

Speaking of WebMD, I’ve finally just proved to Alex that conjunctivitis is not “a cold in your eye” or “a runny eye,” but it is in fact PINKEYE, which everyone who is anyone already knew. It turns out that Alex gets this mysterious “conjunctivitis” frequently, so if you ever see her with a particularly red eye, do not believe her when she says that her contacts were acting up. If there is snot coming out of your eye when you wake up in the morning, you have pinkeye. Also, don’t believe Alex if you describe to her all the symptoms of pink eye, and she tells you that you have something called “dragon eye.” It’s either pink eye, or the ever-present threat of dengue fever, and you better hope it’s pink eye.

When your eye is pink, the chances are PRETTY high that it's pink eye.

When your eye is pink, the chances are PRETTY high that it's pink eye.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. Horn Dawg permalink
    June 30, 2009 4:01 pm

    I was in the Navy. Deployed to the Aleution Islands, an island named Adak with a P 3 squadron in 1986. Had a female cook assigned to the squadron. She took a bottle of tylenol, and had to have her stomach pumped. So you are wrong. Stuff like that happens outside the Ozarks. You think the DNA of humans is differant in the Ozarks? Stop wrting crazy stuff

    • ksawyers permalink
      June 30, 2009 5:54 pm

      Well, Horn Dawg, apparently you missed the vast amounts of scientific evidence that human DNA is in fact differANT in the Ozarks than on the rest of the earth planet. That was, of course, what the post was about–how did you miss that?

      What, do you think this blog is just sarcastic rambling? THIS IS SERIOUS SCIENTIFIC REPORTING!

      Stop writing crazy stuff

  2. Friend of Horn Dawg permalink
    June 30, 2009 6:03 pm

    I agree with Horn Dawg, we need to stop writing stuff that contradicts science. Kelly should stfu.

  3. Friend of Horn Dawg permalink
    June 30, 2009 6:05 pm

    Also, thank you for your service Horn Dawg.

  4. alexarozell permalink
    June 30, 2009 6:13 pm

    can i just say that’s not what my face looks like? it doesn’t look that weird. i’m just saying.

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