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The two people I hate most today (subject to change)

July 2, 2009

1. Gwyneth Paltrow

Other than the fact that Gwyneth has pretty much always been a huge douche (essentially, post Emma), she has been especially dick-ish recently, with the launch of GOOP (which I refuse to even LINK to because it’s so stupid) and Madonna asking her to decorate the little African child’s new bedroom in Manhattan. Yet, today was the proverbial “last straw,” which incidentally is a great way to describe Gwyneth’s over-dyed and over-treated hair.

Exhibit A (a quote about Spain)

“It is so different from the United States. It seemed to have a history, and the buildings are years and years and years old. Here in the United States an old building is about 17 (years old), and over there it’s from 500 B.C., it’s incredible. Also, the way people live over there. They seem to enjoy life a little bit more. They aren’t running around as much as in New York. They enjoy time with the family. They don’t always have their Blackberry on.”

To this I simply say, in the timeless words of Mr. Knightley, “badly done Emma, badly done.”

2. Maureen Dowd.

I refuse to give her the benefit of reading her columns, or quoting her directly (she doesn’t bother to attribute quotes to bloggers, so I don’t really feel a need to attribute any of non-original thoughts or stupid allusions to her), but evidently she wrote quite the column yesterday about marriage. You know what Maureen? Just because nobody will marry you because you are a screeching harpy, doesn’t mean you need to be such a bitch.

Also, we all know this picture is a decade old. You aren’t fooling anyone.

This is what a boner shrinker looks like.

This is what a boner shrinker looks like.

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