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Emails From An Asshole

July 9, 2009

We at DBIH have experience receiving emails from assholes. In fact, we have a long history of corresponding with people who’s personalities are high in assholish tendency.

But none of them– I repeat NONE OF THEM– measure up to the douchebag behind Don’tEvenReply.com, my new favorite website and the newest addition to the DBIH blogroll.

The blogmaster  describes the purpose of his site as follows:

This is a collection of e-mails I have sent to people who post classified ads. My goal is to mess with them, confuse them, and/or piss them off. These are the ones that succeeded.

And, dear blog in heaven, he succeeds at messing with them, confusing them, and, yes, pissing most of them off.

In “Camry Killer,” for example, he accuses the seller of a white Toyota Camry of killing his dog and trying to sell the audience. Combine the accusation with an inference that the killer might actually have been the seller’s girlfriend, but that the killer’s “broad shoulders” were misleading, and he’s got a winner.

In the classic “Kittens for my Tiger,” he tells a cat owner that he wants to adopt her six kittens, and his tiger’s all-kitten diet has nothing to do with it.

Finally, in Shaniqua Part I, Part II, and Part III, he poses as three separate sellers trying to sell cars to a single mother who is trying to find a Ford Explorer for less than $1500 to cart her kids around in. While Shaniqua rejects his offers of a thirty year old Bronco and an Explorer with more than a little damage, she seems to get most upset when offered a Jurassic Park-themed truck.

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