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I’m not entirely sure this isn’t a joke, but…

July 10, 2009

(N.B. Heads up. This post got a little longer than I expected because I got a little angrier than expected. Read it anyway.)

Twitter is often blasphemed as a useless opportunity for self-centered drivel. I disagree. I use it to stay in touch with friends, to read the news, to uselessly spout self-centered drivel at my 407 (407!) loyal followers and to find the most random things that exist on the internet.

That last thing– finding random things on the internet– is perhaps the most valuable benefit of Twitter.

And just three minutes ago, my defense of Twitter on that ground alone was validated when someone I follow tweeted a link to cupcakesforlife.org.

Cupcakes for what?

Cupcakes for life. And not the cheerful-lets-all-have-a-picnic-and-live-life-to-the-fullest kind of life. The abortion-is-baby-killing-let’s-not-trust-women-anti-choice kind of life.

cupcakeUm.

Cupcakes for Life, it seems, encourages school children to bake cupcakes on a specific day of the year and bring them to school to celebrate life. The campaign’s tag line is particularly catchy, informative, and mature:

“What’s worse than being in third grade and not having anyone celebrate your birthday?”

“Not being allowed to be born!”

Of course. Setting aside the mocking of lonely children in the question and the problematic sentence structure in the response, Cupcakes for Life’s tagline is still about as subtle as a 2×4 to the head.

And if that weren’t enough to explain it for you, the explanation of the idea is even more compelling:

Cupcakes were designed for children’s birthday parties. We love Children and we love birthdays. We think this would be a good way to tell people that we think that every child should be allowed to have a birthday.

Bring in a tray of cupcakes for any group of people and you will find that they will flock to get them. As soon as they take a bite they will probably ask, “Who’s birthday is it?”

Then you answer. “It’s no ones birthday. These cupcakes represent the 50,000,000 children who weren’t allowed to be born, who never had a birthday.” The cake in their mouth will become dry and the moment will hopefully become quite somber. Then you say, “If you and I were aborted we wouldn’t have a birthday party either.”

Dear Blog in Heaven.

But it’s the Frequently Asked Questions that make this website worth visiting.

“Q.) What if my school won’t allow me to bring in cup cakes?”

is a question apparently worth six sub-answers:

“A1.) Give them out before or after school!
A2.) Do it anyway and be quick about it! Also be very apologetic and kind if you get caught.
A3.) Ask for permission to bring in pre-packaged cupcakes from a bakery!
A4.) Just pass out flyers and make cupcakes after school and hand them out to your neighbors in the name of life. Whatever you do, don’t give up when confronted by opposition!
A5.) Just hand them out somewhere besides school.
A6.) Ask to set up a table at your local grocery store.”

(A2. is the best because it’s really freaking sneaky. No bearing of false witness, just playing dumb as shit.)

My favorite question, however, is about how the little cupcake-peddlers should deal if they’re approached by baby-killing heathens.

“Q.) What if I run into a pro-choicer and they smash the cupcaes in my face?

A.) Wipe the cake off your face and share the rest of them with someone less angry inside. Go with courage and go with love, the unborn need you to be their voice.”

Some quesitons I’m left with and think should be included in the Frequently Asked Questions:

1. Why can’t you spell “cupcake” consistently? In some places it’s one word, in some it’s two. It’s even capitalized arbitrarily. C’mon people!

2. Why would I, or any other pro-choicer, want to smash perfectly good cupcakes when they could be eaten? Duh.

3. Get a fucking life. Oh wait. That’s not a question. Still. Get a fucking life.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. dirtyhippie permalink
    July 10, 2009 2:24 am

    This post has reminded me of the day Tall and I were tabling for dems (and I believe that HRH stopped by to revel for a time as well) and across from us GU Right to Life were out in all their glory with a sign saying “Brownies 4 Babies.” This example illuminates several points of comparison between these “pro-life” groups:

    1.) They have realized that bribing women with sugary treats (espesh those who might be pregnant and are probably craving some super yum chocolate and frosting) is a good way to trick them into keeping unwanted fet-i.

    2.) anti-choice groups have VERY slender grasps on grammar. As Tall, HRH and I discussed at the dems table last spring, what precisely does “Brownies 4 Babies” imply? Do you need to have a baby to get a brownie? Would they like to trade babies for brownies? If you are pregnant, do you have to prove that you are not headed to the shmashmorshmin clinic (“YOUR BABY HAS FINGERNAILS!!!” –name that movie!!!!) before you can claim your baked goodie treat? These are important questions…

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