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cricket cola

July 24, 2009

Dean & Deluca sells Cricket Cola.   Why do I love it?

fucking nectar

fucking nectar

  1. It’s made of green tea and kola nut, and if that sounds weird, I suggest you get the fuck out of Montana and stop castrating bulls for fun.
  2. It comes in diet and considering SSR’s propensity for going to Safeway for their “buy 2 get 3 free” 12 packs of soda deals, we like diet.  Helps us stay pretty, you know, also I read once that it helps you get drunk faster so hey.
  3. It goes perfectly with D&D’s sushi, particularly their seaweed salad, which is bright green.  Green things are objectively good for you.  Cricket Cola has green tea in it.  Ergo, health which definitely makes up for all the heroin, Twix and unprotected sex.
  4. Once I drank 7 in the space of 2 days while studying for finals, and then I aced my finals.  Suck it, finance major.
  5. I have not found them anywhere besides D&D, which means they’re high falutin, and I love lording over the plebs.
  6. Cricket Cola is local (Potomac, MD) and comes in glass bottles, so I can feel great about my blatant consumerism
  7. Their website says Cricket Cola can do the following:
  • Reduce risk of heart disease & stroke
  • Reduce blood pressure
  • Prevent cancer and arthritis
  • Aid in weight loss
  • Reduce cavities, gingivitis, & bad breath
  • Strengthen bones
  • Reduce cholesterol
  • Enhance immune system
  • Improve digestion
  • Improve memory, calm, relax, & create a sense of well-being

 Sometimes I pretend I’m drinking True Blood (just a little bit), but usually I enjoy them with my sushi on the D&D patio and think about how great it is to be 21 and alive, with my whole life ahead of me, and I’m immeasureably thankful that I’m not one of those parents that wear Baby Bjorns and go to yoga and look up one day and whoops! They’re 40 and little Marjory didn’t get into Cornell.  Team?  Let’s make a pact.  No bleakness ahead for us.  Never.


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