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Elliot Stabler

July 27, 2009

How have we not yet dedicated DBIH to this guy?

oh hai

oh hai

This is Elliot Stabler, who I guess in real life is known as Christopher Meloni, but in real life it is believed that “Law & Order: SVU” is a melodramatic tv series that doesn’t accurately portray trial judges, and I refuse to accept this.  Since my looks have started to fade and I’ll never get married, we’re in a recession and I’m never getting a job, and for some reason adoption keeps getting linked to possession and diminutive prostitutes, SVU is pretty much all I have to live for.

Meloni has starred in “Runaway Bride” where Julia Roberts was a terrible terrible whore, in “Scrubs” once when he was a kickass pediatrician who hated adults, and to great effect in “Wet Hot American Summer”, a lovely biopic which has been previously featured on DBIH.

Gene: Now finish up them taters; I’m gonna go fondle my sweaters.
Gary: Come on – what?
Gene: Finish up the taters.
Gary: And then what did you say?
Gene: And then what did I say?
Gary: You said you were going to… fondle your sweaters.
Gene: Ah, uh – no I didn’t. I said… fondue some cheddar…

 In the pantry, above the sink, right next to my bottle of dick cream... Uh, wait, forget that last part.

In the pantry, above the sink, right next to my bottle of dick cream... Uh, wait, forget that last part.

But on to the important part – Elliot Stabler, and god how much do we love seeing him shirtless?

Elliot Stabler is an Irish Catholic sex crimes cop in New York, which explains everything you need to know about him, except he doesn’t have as big of a drinking problem as he should. His partner is Olivia Benson, who totally deserves her own post (lesbians?), and there’s constantly palpable sexual tension between them, which of course is never resolved because of Elliot’s harridan wife, bipolar drunk driving daughter, and neglible 4 other children.  He hates pedophiles, rapists and the French (I mean, probably), and he was a Marine.  He’s always just a little bit out of control, and while he’s usually being reprimanded for using undue force, you can never really get mad at him, because he hates all the right things.  Were SVU an incarnation on Lifetime, he would convincingly be portrayed as a domestic abuser.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Afrika permalink
    July 27, 2009 11:28 pm

    we really need to add elliot stabler to the list of sexual beings. already there: anthony bourdain and sandford cohen.
    also, elliot has jeebus on the cross tattooed on his arm. don’t know if that’s a plus or a minus.

  2. Veda permalink
    July 20, 2011 3:44 am

    Hahahaha!! OMG!! Christopher Meloni is such a SEXY BEAASSTT!!! And i’m only 16. Lmao. He is the hottest adult i knowww!! Exept some other actors. Lol. 😀 You’re the best Chris!!!!! And it kinda breaks my heart that Law&Order SVU is almost over. Then i won’t have to remember the times that it’s on, and have to stay up until 3am to watch one show. And i won’t have a reason to go to the channel USA anymore. :/ I cry whenever something serious happens to Olivia or Elliot coz i love you guys sooo much. I’m gonna be a detective when i grow up, and i’m gonna go to military school. I want to be just like Olivia and have a HOTT partner. 😀 I really wish that you guys would keep the show going…but i guess that’s your desision.

    P.S. it drives me crazy that you and Olivia haven’t kissed…i kinda hate Elliots wife on the show coz she’s blocking Elliot and Olivias love. They are totally ment for eachother. :((

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