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Worst housewife or worstest housewife?

July 27, 2009

8333FiftiesHousewifePosters

Today’s showdown? FORMER (!!!!!!) Alaska governor and bumpit poster child Sarah Palin vs. poor, bored, neglected Betty Draper.

You might be wondering what inspired this, other than the pure (heartbreaking) genius of your humble auteur. Evidently, a poll came out from the always-reliable Fox News today which says that 32% of Americans think that the best job for Sarah Palin is “homemaker” (that’s one of them fancy words for housewife, right?), followed closely by the 17% that think she should be a television host, which is really not all that different from being a housewife if you ask me.

At first, I thought these 32% of Americans were geniuses (like, once again, moi), but thinking about it further, I was struck by a thought, the same one that coincidentally also hit Jappy and Tall: is she even qualified to be a housewife? To consider this, I thought we could compare her to Betty Draper, a character on one of the liberal media elite’s newest darling shows: Mad Men.

Trim waist? Check.

Trim waist? Check.

vs.

Big hair? Double check.

Big hair? Double check.

After the jump: the showdown.Exhibit A: Teaching your children by example

On Mad Men, we frequently see Sally and Bobby pouring drinks for their parents. And by drinks, I mean bloody marys that are approximately 81.3% vodka and 15% watered down canned tomato juice and the rest ice. And by parents, I mean for perfect, blonde Betty and her cartoon pilot, super mysterious and totally nonparental husband, Don Draper. Will anyone be surprised if Mad Men fast forwards 20 years and we see poor Sally as a slutty drunk beauty pageant girl holding up a bar at 1pm in some piece of shit dive bar in Alphabet City? I wouldn’t be (I’m basically picturing Mimi from Rent, except not Puerto Rican and with more Daddy issues)

In Alaksa (which doesn’t really count as the real world, as it were), the future is now, and it’s even more grim. Sarah Palin is on the record as being totally and condescendingly opposed to a woman’s right to choose. Yet, hypocritically, she’s given interviews and speeches in which she discusses her (wait for it….) choice to have her youngest son Trig after learning that he would be born with Down’s syndrome. That’s right team, Sarah Palin exercised her right to choose to have Trig, a right which she would deny of other women. The icing on the cake? Sarah also allowed her daughter’s boyfriend Levi to sleep over Chez Palin, yet didn’t provide her daughter with the birth control or condoms that might have prevented the birth of her first grandchild, Tripp. Then, she and her super-awesome, winner husband Todd allegedly bribed Bristol to dump her baby-daddy/fiance. The bribe? A truck. So, both Sarah and Bristol have found themselves with children that they didn’t plan- one at the age of 44 and the other at 17. Bleak.

crack-whore-because-sometimes-being-ugly-isnt-enough-demotivational-poster

Exhibit B: Responsible parenting choices.

I could pick a million things that Betty has (not) done with her kids that would today be considered somewhere between negligent and criminal abuse. One time, Sally was running around with a dry cleaning bag on her head like she was an astronaut/alien. Betty’s response? “Sally Draper, if the dry cleaning is all over the floor when I go upstairs you’re in trouble!” (or something like that). Another time, she actually admonished her husband (the said cartoon pilot) for not hitting their son, because he was playing with a toy at dinner. That’s right folks, she’s pro-suffocation and pro-beating.

Yet, Betty has nothing on Crazy Sarah. After making the choice to have Trig, Sarah then made the choice to fly to TEXAS in her eighth month to give a speech. When her water broke, she took the approximately 3200 mile flight back to Alaska to have her baby at home in Wasilla, where I’m sure the hospitals are just great. Why did she do this? Because, Todd was afraid that their son Trig wouldn’t be a good enough fisherman if he wasn’t born in Alaska. No joke.

Both women also share a tendency towards big hair and fancy clothes, though this is significantly more acceptable for Betty who was bankrolled by her husband than for Sarah, who was, oh wait, bankrolled by the Republican Party to the tune of $150,000 (none of which has been paid back, but who’s counting?).

That being said, I question both of their ability to be a good housewife. Betty can barely manage to take care of her two perfectly well-behaved children at home without needing psychoanalysis and massive amounts of booze. Sarah actually could not take care of four children and a state with about 14 inhabitants without 20 ethics complaints being filed against her, so she did what all great Americans do, and she quit. Then she blamed the media.

Who’s worse? Sarah. Who’s hotter? Betty. Winner: Mad Men.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Bekah permalink
    July 29, 2009 6:29 pm

    Oh why oh why oh why did you have to drag poor Sarah into this!??! She may not have been qualified to be the next leader of the free world this go around (fingers crossed, 2012!!) but she was a breath of fresh air. I know plenty of people that loved her!

    Plus she single handedly revived SNL, a feat for which she should be celebrated. So what if she revamped her wardrobe using some republican dollars to fund it, I would totes have taken advantage of that. Not all of us can make deals to pimp our children out to J Crew.. I kid. I kid.

    Also, when I was working at the LC we have literally hundreds of women come in and ask for “the Sarah Palin glasses” so, she is officially a style icon in my book!

    Sarah = Hero

  2. Afrika permalink
    July 29, 2009 6:36 pm

    dear bekah,
    bully for sarah that she can manage to single-handedly revive the US economy by encouraging sales of rimless glasses and St. John’s knit suits. Really, she’s going to make an excellent president some day.
    my b.
    sincerely,
    afrika.

  3. Lacey permalink
    March 31, 2010 1:03 am

    This was hilarious!
    I love love love the show mad men, and think that sarah palin is an idiot. The things that she has said have set women’s rights back 100’s of years.

    They are both horrible mothers but for the times Betty Draper would have probably gotten mother of the year.

    -Lacey

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  1. Stepford Style Icons: Betty Draper « The Stepford Student

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