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Dear GOD am I hungry….

July 28, 2009

Please allow me to tell you how I have spent the last HOUR at work: talking and talking and talking to my lovely cube-mate (aka Lebanonintern) about In n Out Burger and Crumbs Bakery. After an in-depth conversation about the intricacies of the Secret Menu at In n Out, its fundamentalist Christian owners, and how I believe Jesus himself probably blesses the burgers, I then proceeded to spend a good 30 minutes on the Crumbs website salivating over the masterpieces they call cupcakes.

orgasm in a box.

orgasm in a box.

I am feeling an almost uncontrolable urge to lick my computer screan

I am feeling an almost uncontrolable urge to lick my computer screan

Why am I rambling on about this, do you ask? Well, there are three very important things you must learn, dear readers:

First of all, here at Dear Blog in Heaven, we love cupcakes. There is a rather lively debate going on concerning the supremacy of Baked and Wired vs. Georgetown Cupcake. However, this becomes completely moot when Crumbs comes into the picture. Yes, I said it. Screw Baked and Wired and Gtown Cupcake. This shit is FOR REAL. First of all, they have like 40 different varieties, including Chocolate Covered Strawberry, Butterfinger, and Grasshopper. Second of all, they are ENORMOUS. Third of all, they ship to 48 states, and I already told my parents I want 21 of them for my birthday instead of a birthday cake. As Tall would say, C and D people, C and D. Stop being wrong.

Second of all, In n Out Burger is a spiritual experience that is unmatched by any other experience on this earth. If you have never had an In n Out cheeseburger, fries, pink lemonade and Neopolitan shake, you have not lived, and I cry for you every night.

And thirdly, I am currently eating vegan, and therefore unable to have either In n Out or Crumbs. Or most other food in the world. And today I am very bitter. I am also very hungry. This must be how GOOPy has felt for the last 10 years. I have never in my life wanted an In n Out burger and enormous red velvet cupcake more than I do at this very moment. MUST. FIND. DISTRACTIONS.

This is what my life has been reduced to. I may start eating my hair.

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