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10 things I [LOVE!!!] about you

September 17, 2009

Objectively, 10 things I love about you is a fucking amazing piece of cinematic art. It’s not just a stupid teen movie, it’s hilarious, and currently on TV! I KNOW, RIGHT?! HOW EXCITING. Anyway, this movie ranks in my list of favorites, up there with Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and Zoolander (do not judge me for my taste in movies. I can appreciate a fine French film just as well as the next person too).

But, this movie made me wish high school was this awesome. Here are 10 things (get it?!) that I love about this film.

1. The presence of Allison Janney, also known as Claudia Jean “CJ” Cregg, the love of ahfdemocrat’s (second) life. Also, thanks to Ms. Perky, I learned a plethora of synonyms for “engorged!”

2. Coach Chapin. Detention. Confiscation. Key part: the Cheeto ™ grab. COMIC GENIUS, I SAY! COMIC GENIUS.

Mr. Chapin: You look pretty nervous.
kid in detention: Yes, sir.
Mr. Chapin: You’re sweating like a pig.
kid in detention: Yes, sir.
Mr. Chapin: You’re eyes are all… bloodshot.
kid in detention: Yes, sir.
Mr. Chapin: You’ve got pot, don’t you?
[the kid pulls out a bag]
Mr. Chapin: I’m confiscating this.
[walks away and sees Cheetos on another students desk]
Mr. Chapin: This too.

3. Bogey Lowenstein’s party, upon which my wedding reception will be styled.

That must be Nigel with the brie!

That must be Nigel with the brie!

4. Kat Stratford’s car. Actually, everything about Kat Stratford except the fact that she never fucking wears a bra. WEAR A BRA KAT. WEAR A GOD DAMN BRA. I DO NOT WANT TO SEE ANY NIP.

5.  That really awesome paintball game that Kat and Patrick play. Playing with paint and balloons is way more fun (and less violent for a nice girl like me) than with modified machine guns and paint-covered marbles. I want to play this game.

I want you, I need you, oh baby, oh baby.

I want you, I need you, oh baby, oh baby.

7. The excellent and educational use of the French language. See below.

Cameron: ou est le crayon de mon oncle?

Bianca: Je ne sais pas. Peut-etre dans ton trou de coup.

[Dear 10 things writers, thank you for teaching me how to say asshole en francais. Sincerely, Afrika]

8. The inclusion of actual (!!!!) quotes from Shakespeare. Seriously, how much douchier does Michael “I’m thinking of getting a Tercel” sound when he’s speaking in iambic pentameter? Answer: so much more.

Sweet love, renew thy force!

Sweet love, renew thy force!

9. The awesome 90s clothes. For those of you who do not know me, know this: I LOVE 90s grunge. Love it. Hence, my love for Kat Stratford and her long skirts, unbrushed hair, and silver ball necklace. But, key outfit of the whole movie? The one that dates it more than anything else? Bianca’s awesome prom “dress” (can you call it a dress? I think not.)

Style tip: if you can see your belly button, your prom dress is not appropriate.

Style tip: if you can see your belly button, your prom dress is not appropriate.

10. And FINALLY, Mr. Stratford. Evidently, Mr. Stratford spends most of his days elbow-deep in placenta (FYI: do not google image fetus or placenta. do not.) digging crack babies out of crack whores. This isn’t why I love him though. This is.

“What’s normal? Those damn Dawson’s river kids sleeping in each others’ beds and whatnot? I’ve got news for you. I’m down, I’ve got the 411, and you are not going out and getting jiggy with some boy, I don’t care how dope his ride is. Mama didn’t raise no fool.”

[I literally just typed that from memory, that’s how much i LOVE this guy]

"I want you to wear the belly" = best way to discipline angsty adolescent girls

"I want you to wear the belly" = best way to discipline angsty adolescent girls

In conclusion, this is a great film. Great. God knows, even angels fall.

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