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He’s evil comma Tracy

May 27, 2010

Tall, being a tres important intern in her Red Badge of Glory, brought something to my attention today. Obviously, Tall is doing very important “Top Secret” government work, so she can only FIND these things and not BLOG about them, so the responsibility for making things funny falls upon me.

What was Tall’s discovery, you ask? It’s a list of EVERYTHING (and by everything, I mean literally everything) that Tracy Jordan has ever said on 30 Rock. A lot of it is ridiculously misspelled and it includes every time that he just laughs as “hahahahaha,” but it is still fucking amazing.

To spare you all the trouble of going through this horribly misspelled and poorly formatted page, I’m pulling out my top 3 favorite Tracy Jordan quotes, for your enjoyment and mine (but not Tall’s, she’s too important to laugh).

Look at this guy

1. “That’s good advice, Whoopi.”

[N.B. I love a good Whoopi Goldberg joke. I do not love her lack of eyebrows, what happens when she sweats?]

2. “Why don’t Catholics eat meat on Fridays? I tell you why. Because the Pope owns Long John Silver’s.”

[So true, so wise.]

3. “I’ve seen a blind guy bite a police horse! A puppy committed suicide after he saw our bathroom! I once bit into a burrito and there was a child’s shoe in it! I’ve seen a hooker eat a tire! A pack of wild dogs took over and successfully ran a Wendy’s! The sewer people stole my skateboard! The projects I lived in were named after Zachary Taylor, generally considered to be one of the worst presidents of all time! I once saw a baby give another baby a tattoo! They were very drunk!”

[Ha, drunk babies.]

With that, I leave you all to mull over the glory and raw honesty of Tracy Jordan, who I’m convinced IS Tracy Morgan, aka Brian Fellow [that bird is not my doppelganger].

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One Comment leave one →
  1. TALL permalink
    May 27, 2010 7:23 pm

    hahaha drunk babies made me think of one of our favorite things: there is a child in the bar. i repeat, THERE IS A CHILD IN THE BAR.

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