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When hydration fails

June 8, 2010

As I’m sure a certain Bubbles S. Cohen has informed you, hydration is key. One time, I auditioned for Jeopardy and I used my love of hydration (some might call it a “fetish”) as one of the five “fun facts” (pieces of flair) about moi. Obviously, Alex Trebek would have LOVED talking to me about hydration, so I have concluded that I was never on the show because they were afraid I’d make too much money and unseat Ken Jennings (MORMON CONSPIRACY, anyone?!!!).

Anyway, back to hydration. It’s key. In fact, water is the essence of moisture, and moisture is the essence of beauty. Aveda and a merman taught me that.

Yet, my epic and eternal faith in hydration has recently been shaken. By what, you ask? By the dreaded hangover. That’s right.

I used to be an epic baller. I would make the entire #team at SSR and Big Blue drink an entire Brita before we went to bed so that we could all wake up feeling refreshed the next day after a nice egg and cheese bagel from Wisey’s. It worked! Don’t take my word for it- take the entire #team’s. Not having a hangover means that the day can begin promptly at 11:30 am, or noon, or really whenever you happen to wake up. It also means that you can get right back on the horse (I’m not a gymnast, Maury) and be awesome several days in a row. Or, in the case of senior week, two entire weeks in a row.

But, I got to London, and found myself getting really bad hangovers. The worst ones. The kinds that make it feel like a little Chinese dude just climbed out of your trunk and started hitting you on the head with a tire iron (toodle loo, motherfuckers).

Who was that guy? He was so mean!

They’ve only been getting worse. Now, I hydrate a shit-ton and I still wake up feeling like a ton of shit (WORDPLAY!! BANTER!!). I’m taking this as a sign that I’m getting old, and, quite frankly, it fucking sucks.

Moral of the story: do not go to high school, stay young as long as you can.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. chefhooles permalink
    June 9, 2010 1:38 pm

    i hydrated with pedialyte when i got food poisoning in botswana last week. TRUTH.

  2. HRH permalink
    June 14, 2010 3:18 pm

    I am here to certify the truth of all the #bigblue-related comments made in this post.

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