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The Day DirtyHippie Took Speed (Well, Almost…)

June 14, 2010

So, some background info first (as Tall informed me earlier this morning that the following was not a well known fact): Last summer, at the same time I became the vegan that I am, I decided to give up caffeine. Stupid maybe, as I AM a college student and all, but I was obviously not in my right mind at the time and I decided that technicolor, hyperactive monkey needed to get the fuck off my back. I can’t really remember if I went through withdrawal, as giving up cheese at the same time was sort of focusing all of my attention. Anyhoo, even though my vegan tendencies have been known to be occasionally fair-weather (how redundant was that sentence? oh well, my crazy rambling is explained by the title to this post…), the whole no caffeine thing stuck. I totally gave up soda, coffee, caffeinated tea, red bull, vivarin, etc etc etc etc. Although I have probably had a grand total of abut 10 cokes in the past year, they were mixed with lots o’ rum, so I am not counting them.Up until today, the only time I have had any sort of major caffeine or any coffee was on my 7 am flight from DC to California when I was trying to seem inconspicuous about the fact that I was drinking at 7am, and was too deliriously tired to remember to order OJ and champ and so instead ordered coffee and some baileys…

See, there are pictures of this on the internet, it is totally legit...

Enter, this morning.

For some reason, I could not fall asleep last night. Probably because I decided to stay up an extra hour to read (damn that Girl With The Dragon Tattoo), and my cray cray mind decided that in punishment for not obeying my strict 10:30 bedtime, I would get to spend the entire night staring at the ceiling of my room, trying to visualize sheep to count (yes, I really did this).

Unfortunately, I had to work today AND am going to a pilates class right after, so I sort of need to be awake. In an attempt to stave off the impending exhaustion, I decided to get mah self a java chip frappachino (because you know, you can get them all vegan-ized now).

why did I do this to myself people, why why why why why why why why why why???

Oh holy shit was that a mistake. I feel like I took speed. Srsly. How do you people drink coffee?! Is this how you always feel!? I’M BUGGIN’ OUT! I’M BUGGIN OUT!! CALL DR. SPACEMAN!

this is probably going to be in in hour.

I feel like a squirrel right before winter trying to forage for acorns. The other intern who shares my cube MUST think I have been snorting lines of coke in the bathroom and not just peeing every ten minutes (another lovely side-effect of the caffeine).

It is 11:45, I have to make it to 7:30. That will definitely call for at least one more java-chip-crack-speed injection. Fuck. Help me peeps, I am so totally screwed.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Afrika permalink
    June 16, 2010 7:48 am


    (I owe you an apology, Tray).

  2. chefhooles permalink
    June 16, 2010 12:14 pm

    omg i just bought the girl with the dragon tattoo on my wine tour today! twins

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