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Where is summer?

June 16, 2010

It should come as no surprise to our dear readers that I love London. I’ve always thought I was, quite frankly, too good for America (seriously Jeopardy why won’t you call me back?!) and I think accents are hilarious. Today at lunch one friend used the word “Blimey” and the other one said “Fiddlesticks.” No joke.

Yet, the weather in Foggy Londontown this June has been confounding, to say the least. Par exemple, it was really warm a few weeks ago. I wore a dress to the park and I got made fun of because my legs are apparently “so pale that they’re see-through like one of those fish in the deep ocean vents.” That’s bullshit, and I’m sorry.

Look at this guy

So I made a resolution to try to get a tan and look like Jappy (Have I mentioned I’m dyeing my hair blond? I am. All a pitiful attempt on my part to look like my #teammate Japster).

BUT (BUT!) I was foiled by the weather. Mother Gaia. Papa Earth (aka Al Gore, cheating bastard!). I don’t really know who to blame, so I’ll just stand on a street corner and yell about Barack Obama and British Petroleum and Kenya.

Trust me, this makes sense. So much sense.

Moral of the story: the Queen is British, BP is spilling oil into the Gulf of Mexico, Mexicans are getting their heads chopped off due to Obama’s really stupid drug policy that supports Felipe Calderon’s stupid drug policy, and Felipe Calderon’s wife LOVES TO WEAR SCARVES (the Huffington Post, aka @ahfdemocrat, told me that). Obviously, Queen Elizabeth and Barack Obama are engaged in some kind of crazy weather cabal to keep it cold everywhere so that Margarita Zavala de Calderon can wear her silly serapes (jk jk jk I love the serapes), giving our dear, dear friend Arianna Huffington at least 7 new things to “write” about each day (OIL!!! OBAMA!! ENGLAND!!! SCARVES!! BIG BIG HEADLINE IN GREEN AND PURPLE!!!)

Because of that vast conspiracy, it’s really fucking cold here. To the extent that I feel ridiculous in the amount of shirts that I am wearing in JUNE. If you’re WorkChucks, you’ll laugh at this, because I always think that more layers=more fun. But, was it fun last night when I wanted a nice refreshing summer mojito and I had to go out in boots and flannel? Or today when I had to wear a fucking Canadian tuxedo to the library with a SCARF (fuck you Mexico) so that I wouldn’t catch a cold? Hay fever and a cold! What’s next? Obvi, killer bees.

Imagine that Jay Leno's enormous chin is really my boobs, and that his BMW motorcycle is Jappy's Beemer. That's the look I'm rocking.

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