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Possibly the best story EVER.

June 25, 2010

Involving two of DBIH’s favorite things: Lindsay Lohan and Carvel ice cream cake. YOU HEARD ME, FOOLS!

As the story goes, Lindsay was given a “Carvel Black Card,” which entitled Lindsay, and ONLY LINDSAY, to get free ice cream.  Apparently her mother Dina, also a firecrotch, had been abusing the black card priveleges (I mean, who wouldn’t try to get as many ice cream cakes as possible from carvel? COME ON), and when she went to get a birthday cake for Lindsay’s brother, Cody, SHIT GOT REAL.

n.b. the fact that the headline of the NYPost story is “Dina Lohan Creamed by Carvel” is possibly the best thing to ever happen to me. THINK ABOUT THE INNUENDO.

The manager took the card and held it hostage, refusing to give crazy pants ice cream OR the card back.  Momma Lohan (is that even her last name anymore?) flipped the eff out and called the cops, and apparently Carvel caved to the insanity and gave Dina the card and a cake, but told her that only Lindsay could use it.

However, Lind(sanity) couldn’t let the incident rest until she got a couple of good tweets in that make her look FUCKING INSANE and a little like a redneck. Par example:

In conclusion, if you have a Carvel black card, don’t let your insane mother use it to get ice cream cake because she blew all of her money buying booze and cocaine FOR YOU, YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE … nevermind.

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