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An Open Letter to Food Gawker

June 26, 2010

Good morrow dear readers! While DirtyHippie and Afrika are writing open letters to bi-curious celebrities, I choose to write to another blog, but more specifically its subject: food. DBIH loves food more than anything else.  LiLo? Check. SamRo? I mean duh. Lesbians? *I* say yes.  Anyway, I’ve spent the entire morning (11am -2pm) “reading” Food Gawker. Motherfucker that site is amazing! It’s just pictures of food. So much food! Any food you can imagine! It should really be called FoodGasm, because that’s how everything “shakes” (graphic?) out.  Speaking of graphics, FG keeps the word count to a minimum and a picture count to a maxxx.  I was looking at FG once at “work” when one of my co-“workers” said “Man, you are always looking at pictures. Mostly of food, but you really love pictures, don’t you?” I shit ye not readers. (Sidenote: What the fuck did he mean? Of COURSE I love pictures. They’re easier on the mind grapes and you know what, stfu, reading is hard. I’m not taking the SAT anymore, get off your high “literate” horse. jk. sort of.)  Anyway, I’m planning on a trek to Whole Foods or the ginormous Safeway of Glory (allelujah allelujah) to get provisions to make more food than even I, the Tall, could eat in a day. Now that’s a lot of food, just ask Jappy and ChefHooles, who have witnessed my gorging.  Since I lurve pictorals so much, here’s some of what I want to make:

lingeeeneee and clamzzzz omnom.

yeah bitches, that's peanut butter cup cheesecake

light'n'luscious potato salad. nummmz.

oh heyyyyyy zuchini boatz oh heyyyyyy

is this sexual to anyone else? anyone?

NUTELLA POPTARTS OHMYGAWWWWWD

watermelon mojito: a new #ssr staple?

P.S. This may be a blatant ploy to get more traffic for our site, but whatever, blow me.  I’ll be stuffing my face with zucchini boats (very graphic).

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