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Amanda Bynes: You’re Killing Me

June 27, 2010

So I’m behind on this. I warned you all I would be. There have been more pressing things in my life. Here’s a list of them

1. The World Cup (do not fear, I still call it soccer and I am beating almost all the Europeans I know in our Fantasy League, thus proving that Americans are always awesome)

2. My dissertation, which at this point remains unwritten

3. Summer sales (what is the point of putting things on sale when I STILL cannot afford them?)

4. Preparing for Sibling-of-Afrika’s visit to London. We shall call her Aspace. Tales of her journey to follow.

5. My devastation at the news (see below)

Anyhoo, ANYHOO. Fuck all of our lives, which will henceforth be void of any new material out of Amanda Bynes. According to E! News, she’s “done with the whole acting thing.” To that, I say, E! News, you need someone to write better headlines for you. I also sit in my apartment and cry alone with my tea while I search for the TV Remote so I can see if What a Girl Wants is on TV. It never is.

My life in London is vaguely analogous to this film, in that both take place in London.

As WorkChucks or I will tell you, this is a fucking awesome movie. But it’s not her best, oh no oh no it’s not. What is her best, you ask me? I cannot wait to tell you. I CANNOT FUCKING WAIT.

It’s: (wait for it) She’s the Man!!!

Amanda is not a very convincing boy. Not at all. I would not fall in lurve with her just because she gets excited that Anthropologie sells shoes (WHY DIDN’T YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT, AMANDA? WHYYYY?). But, it’s still fucking hilarious. Here are some things I love in this epic epic film.

1. The presence of Dr. Tobias Funke, Analrapist. You didn’t recognize him? Well you suck, because he was so there.

He sings and wears hats. This is my kind of man.

2. Amanda’s weird “boy” accent. It’s almost Jamaican, if you squint with your ears enough.

3. “Do you like cheese?” [my favorite’s gouda]

4. Eunice. She likes cheese more than any other animal by-product.

And she'll be the best lab partner you've ever had.

5. The soccer coach. He’s a funny guy. Silly accent. Ha.

Thusly: I love Amanda Bynes. The Amanda Show was funny when I was like 12, now it might not be. But I promise, She’s the Man will stand the test of time. COME BACK TO US AMANDA. COME BACK.

On another note: is anyone else watching the fucking insane soccer game between Germany and England? It’s nuts.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. TALL permalink
    July 2, 2010 10:40 am

    completely unacceptable that jappy has not seen what a girl wants. just really, really personally offensive to me and afrika.

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