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How to Play Tennis

June 27, 2011

1.  You play to 21
2.  Every time you hit the ball and it lands in the green part on the other side of the net, you get a point
3.  +2 points every time you pause to drink from your water bottle, and then people waiting their turn to play think you’re done, but you’re not.
4.  +1 because your water bottle is full of mimosa.
5.  +2 points if you hit the ball and it hits your side of the court and then bounces over the net, because this is essentially giant beer pong.
6.  Every time your opponent scores, drink your mimosa (mimosa pong).
7.  +1 point for interrupting the game next to you.
8.  +½ a point if you hit the ball so hard with your brute strength that the ball flies out of the court and into the baseball game behind the tennis court.  This is called a ground rule double.
9.  It is legal to softly hit the ball up in the air, and then slam it. This is called an alley-oop.
10.  No grunting.
11.  -2 points for being an asshole, generally (see above).
12.  +4 points if your partner think you’re being an asshole, but you’re actually being hilarious.
13.  It’s win-GAR-dium mi-MO-sah, not win-GAR-dium mi-mo-SAH.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. TALL permalink
    June 29, 2011 6:06 pm

    ten points to gryffindor if you’re emma watson at brown, and 250 points if i’m your tennis partner

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